Changing Times, Changing Styles
With the advent of the 21st century, many things are changing at the speed of light. Be it the way we dress, the food we eat, the entertainment we look for, and most importantly, the way we communicate. Most of the blame could be given to Mr Bell or even Mr Meucci — to those feeling adventurous — for acting as the catalyst in the avalanche of technological advancement in the field of communications that followed. Today, we stand in a position of astronomically great height, since the day Mr Bell had called his assistant — Mr Watson, from his patented telephone. Everything has become fast-paced. It must happen right now! No, we can’t wait for one day, let alone 1 minute! Be what it may, such developments brought with them drastic changes in human behaviour patterns, and everything happened in the span of just one generation — us. The kids born in the 90s would know exactly what I mean. I am a 90s kid. When I was a child, telephones were a rare thing. I remember, owning one was a big deal. Public phone booths were something that people relied on. Multiple neighbours had provided our phone number to people to contact in case of an emergency.
I don’t know if relationships and romance have become easier or tougher as the times have changed, but I can surely point out the subtle changes and leave the rest for you to decide. We all have heard stories and watched movies about the dating scenario in the 70s and 80s-with only letters as the major means of communication. Letters being delivered to your beloved through library books and other items and oh! What a wonderful feeling that would be! The protagonist would sing to the letter while holding it close to the bosom and spin around and dance and fantasize. It was everything. The anticipation and thrill of getting a letter and sneaking around to keep it hidden from the family was part of the charm.
When I grew up a little, mobiles were slowly trying to make an entry into the common man’s life. I remember when I was still in school and I first got to know the girl I liked, we exchanged so many letters. Phone calls were rare, and mobiles were expensive to own; it was too risky to use the only one that Dad had. I used to collect the letters together with other small gifts and trinkets and keep them hidden in my desk locker. I also owned a cute photograph of her. I remember something silly right now, and although you may laugh at its silliness, please bear with me.
Missed calls were a huge deal back in the day. It was a sign of how much someone was missing the other one. I think that as phone calls were costly and the phones were not really our own, we just resorted to missed calls so that there was no deduction in the balance and we would be able to communicate our longing. We had school for half the day and we couldn’t really go home and talk on mobile with our crushes, so we used to give missed calls — just half a ring and disconnect! It sounds silly now, but it was quite amusing when we were doing them. We used to exchange hundreds of daily missed calls just to remind the other one that we were thinking about them. Then came SMS and boy, what a wonderful time it was! Hundreds of daily free SMSs for such a small price! The only problem was fitting all the emotions into the limited letter limit. When I was in 11th grade and I had started owning my mobile phone, I had spent countless nights chatting and talking to the girl I dated. I know a friend of mine who used to steal top-up cards from their parent’s wallets just to talk to the person they were dating. Such were our conditions. It is funny if we think back at how we have evolved over the years.
As time passed on and the world around us developed, dating, relationships and in general romance changed. Slowly, as landlines and mobile phones gained popularity, letters started fading in the background. Letters are only written now as a big romantic gesture and not as the only means of communication.
Computers and the internet then, were not as popular with the general population as they are today. It is difficult to imagine life today without them but there was a time when everything was possible. Emails never really gained popularity with the masses as a replacement for love letters. This is mainly because they require a computer with an internet connection. It was a privilege that almost every middle and lower-middle-class family did not have. The old-school kind of romance still existed and dominated the whole scenario. In my opinion, the death of old-school romance really happened when cheap internet was at everyone’s fingertips and the gates of the world were suddenly opened. We were no longer one person in a small village. We were suddenly a hundred different people to a hundred different people simultaneously! It was like a sudden explosion. All the subtle nuances were suddenly very cheesy. The actions that were considered romantic are outdated. Life became big. Expressing your love to the one you love was not enough. You now must declare to the whole world. Everybody should know. With messaging and social media apps becoming more popular, they have become a platform to express love and with the “stories” section, people have gone insane. Now we don’t call up, we just post a story. I agree it has its uses but the personal nature of what romance is, is now dead. Everything is public. With the world looking at our lives through the window that is social media, couples become more impatient and it’s just my opinion, more unfaithful. So, what is the idea of digital romance? It is to accommodate romance with the fast-paced lifestyle that is now common. We have shifted to digital media as the main way of communication and love declaration. We have numerous mediums available at our disposal just for this. From meeting strangers to dating and even prospective marriages, everything is being done digitally and with increasing popularity. And the current pandemic is not helping old-school romance at all. What can one ultimately do when one is faced with such circumstances and infinite time and the internet at its disposal? The marketing team of these popular dating apps do a wonderful job by bombarding people with numerous advertisements to entice young, desperate individuals into various relationships. I have often found myself drifting into these apps and trying to kill time. A word of advice, these apps are useless for males with average looks.
Things were simple, romance was simpler. You could just express your love and be a faithful partner and that’s it. Now it’s not quite as simple as that. You need to have a good imagination and make romantic gestures on social media, spraying your version of digital romance for the whole world to see and that is considered normal. Sometimes I am amazed by the world’s and my need to gain approval from friends and strangers by posting random items on Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp stories and whatnot. With everybody watching everybody, the bar has been rising higher and higher, as only a select few get opportunity and popularity and everybody starts comparing that to the romance they are receiving. It’s like when we get on the internet or TV, we all have seen or heard stories of millionaires in their twenties. So, we drive ourselves mad, feeling bad about ourselves and our lifestyle; but what one must remember is that such people constitute an infinitesimally small percentage of the entire population. Similarly, with other things we watch online and compare ourselves to. We see couples do things on the big screen and long for that kind of stuff. We have raised the bar very high for what is considered normal and romantic.
I think it has almost reached a breaking point and we are slowly going back to the original basics. Going so fast can only burn you out. Letter-writing apps are becoming somewhat popular. It is a fascinating idea to bring back letters. The idea is to send a virtual letter which takes some time to reach the recipient depending on the distance between them. For example, if I send a letter to someone in America, it takes 2 days for the letter to be delivered. I know, I know, it is not like the original but well, I have talked to hundreds of strangers on that application, and they all seem to cherish the idea of having a conversation this way. To sit back and go with the flow.
Although digital romance has hijacked old-school romance, all hopes are not lost. I believe humans tend to return to the basics again and again. I don’t dream of a day where romance goes back to the way it was 50–80 years ago, but I hope the good parts can be revived and cherished.
